Secret
by Amelcia
Summary: Lithuania starts to tell Latvia things that are their secrets


- …for you

- Eh?- Lithuania looked up at Latvia. His voice had just brought Lithuania to reality. Again. He looked down at a table and a carrot he had been chopping, a bit embarassed because he had been so thoughtful he couldn't have heard what Raivis had said. His thoughts were far away from the kitchen- Damn it…- he almost cried, but he stopped the tears from falling down. He felt he couldn't cry in front of anyone, especially Latvia. He wanted to protect him from any evil in some way.  
>But hadn't Latvia wanted to say something? He had, and Lithuania even didn't care to ask him to say it again!<br>"I've been too much muddle-headed recently! I have to do something with this", he thought, mussing up his hair in slight nervousness and asked:

- I'm sorry, I thought of something else… Could you repeat?  
>Latvia was a bit surprised, but nodded and repeated:<br>- You seem to be tired. Don't you think you should rest? I can cook dinner for you  
>Lithuania sighed in relief. So this was what Latvia wanted to say! He was very thankful Raivis thought of doing something for him. In fact, he couldn't have slept all night and he'd been worried recently. That's why he was sleepy and more likely to ponder and fuss so much<br>- Yeah, Raivis, if you could… It would be lovely- he smiled even though he wasn't in the mood- So, if you don't mind, I'll be going now

- N-No, it's ok- assured Latvia kindly, focusing on chopping- I'll call you when it's done- added when Lithuania slowly tottered.  
>Toris was likely to fall before he could reach his room, but he made it somehow. Finally, he fell on his bed and started to stare at the ceiling, as if it could help him understand. Lithuania'd been wondering for such a long time, but he couldn't get it. He'd been so muddle-headed, but it didn't solve anything. What was the most important- why the hell it had happened? Wasn't he good enough anymore? Every single sign seemed to say he wasn't. Wasn't he necessary already? He really felt like he wasn't. Would anyone care if he got hurt or even killed?<br>He even couldn't hold on anymore. Tears he had felt before slowly fell down his cheeks, one by one. He cried alone at last. Toris really didn't wanted anyone- not only Russia, but also Latvia and Estonia- to see it. Other Baltic states would just worry more, even though they had so much their own problems. And his problems were only his… They didn't have to wonder why Lithuania's life was so difficult. Besides…  
>- …nia…<br>He didn't even notice when Latvia came to his room. Thought Raivis was still in the kitchen, cooking, so when he felt Latvia's hand on his shoulder, he got really surprised. He glanced at Latvia at first, but he realised he was still crying and buried his face in his hands  
>- Lithuania, what's wrong?- asked Latvia with caring but also very worried voice. He thought something serious must have happened if Lithuania was weeping- A-are you all right?<br>Toris stroked away his tears, sat on bed and smiled gently  
>- I-I'm all right- he assured, didn't wanting to make Raivis more worried than he was. However, he obviously didn't believe Lithuania<br>- Um, really? You've never been…- he asked, as politely as he could. Lithuania sighed  
>- …Worried?- he asked staring down at the floor. He felt like he couldn't look anyone in face- Well then, everything… Russia… He used to favour me and stuff… And when I got back from America, he started to hate me. Maybe he doesn't tell me that, but I can feel it. He's ignoring me! And he doesn't allow me to spend much time with you and Estonia. Just because I lived with America, can you believe? As if he wanted to… I even don't know…- he stopped for a while, and then continued, sobbing- You know, I guess I liked Russia… And now I feel as if I'd lost him… I liked America and I lost him, too. And I like you… I don't want to lose you as well!- he suddenly held Latvia tight, as if preventing him from leaving, and burst into tears even more than before- I feel so weak, Raivis! And I just… I just can't take living in this nightmarish way anymore!<br>Raivis was shocked as he'd never seen Lithuania break down. Toris always seemed to be very composed, but now all this situation seemed unbelieveable. However, he did nothing, just stood and held Lithuania. And Lithuania wept, but after some time calmed down somehow- Um, Raivis?- he said suddenly, in a surprisingly calm voice- Could you keep it to yourself, please? I don't want anyone to know about it- he let Latvia go, stroked away his tears, glimpsed Latvia's surprised face and gave a weary smile- It will be our secret, ok?  
>Toris really didn't want anyone to know about his breakdown and thoughts. Eventually, he told Latvia about it, but it was because he had saw him cry. That was Latvia thought. He didn't know the other reason why a bit withdrawn Lithuania shared all those thoughts. He was just the one whom Toris could always trust. Not Russia, not Belarus or Ukraine, not even Estonia. Latvia was the one. The beloved one, in fact.Lithuania had always loved him, since Latvia had been called Courland. When they became Russia's subordinates, his feelings became even stronger. Taking care of Raivis was a pleasure for him. An activity which let him forget about the dull, sad and violent reality for a moment. It was incredible how much Lithuania cared about Latvia.<p>

Since that time, Toris was telling Raivis about every single thing he considered important. Some of them weren't really gripping, but Latvia used to listen them carefully because they were called "secrets". He realised he was the only one who knew all those things Lithuania told him, and it excited him.  
>Few weeks later, Toris ran into Latvia's room and woke him up in the middle of night<br>- Raivis, I must tell you about something!- he whispered, heading to Latvia's bed and sitting on it  
>- What's the matter?- murmured Raivis, yawning- You got another secret? But it's so late… Please, let me sleep…<p>

- I can't wait until tomorrow! Even if I try to, I won't be able to sleep!- he tried to remain calm, but he was too excited to do so.  
>Latvia wasn't really happy with that because he'd rather sleep than try to guess what was the matter. However, he was too polite to say it. That's why he smiled and asked:<br>- So, what happened?  
>Lithuania glanced at the creased piece of paper in his hand, and then almost exclaimed:<p>

- I've got a letter from America! He offers me to go to his place!  
>Latvia was so shocked he couldn't believe it. It was like a , after a few moments he really understood Lithuania's words and rejoiced<br>- That's great news! So, when are you going to left? Tomorrow?  
>Even though Latvia was happy, he clouded over when he had heard the questions. He hesitated for a moment, and then whispered, as if he was afraid or unsure of his own words:<br>- Um, to be honest, I'm not going to left  
>- Why?- it wasn't logical for Latvia. He had been so happy a moment ago, and then he said he wasn't going to left?<br>- Because I couldn't live with America, knowing you are still with Russia  
>- But I'll be all right…- Latvia started to assure him, but he didn't make Lithuania change his mind. He knew Raivis wouldn't be all right. And there was another reason…<br>- But I won't be- he responded- You know, you'd stay with Russia. I wouldn't know anything about you, if you're ok… I may be fussing about you, but I really want to take care of you. I want to protect you. I couldn't, if I left…  
>Latvia was shocked. He knew Lithuania really cared about him, but he quite realised why Toris wanted to stay a moment ago<br>- Um, so you want to stay because of me?  
>Toris kissed Latvia's forehead<br>- That's right. I'll write America that Russia didn't allow me or something like that and will still be here- he stopped for a moment, and then grinned:- But it will be our secret, ok?


End file.
